ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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