I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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