We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
