peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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