Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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