Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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