But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
