I CAN MOONWALK!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
