oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
