I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
