Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
