No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
