We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
