so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
