Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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