So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the condom got lost in my hair
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
