You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
