We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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