You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize