Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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