I just threw up on my dentist
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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