you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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