she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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