I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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