epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
