dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
