i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
