I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
