butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
