Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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