happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
