Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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