if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
