you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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