great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
