Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
