Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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