I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
