i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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