my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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