Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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