You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
