i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
