I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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