Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
