my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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