ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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