Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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