When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
