problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
