I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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