she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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