yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
