u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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