I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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