508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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