dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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