Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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