I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
