We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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