I look better un-naked...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
