God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize