I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
