I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
God, I missed his penis.
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