Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
