My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
