Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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