we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize