I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
