This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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