Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and you fell through a lawn chair
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
