Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
