If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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