i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I did not marry a roomba.
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