like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
