I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
