you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
