Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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