you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it because I queefed?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
