Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
