if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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