I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
